The one with the half finished cosplay and the gaping hole

Today i got my fabric to finish off m cosplay with. yay!
i’ve been unpicking a whole lot of my cosplay that needs fixing and things which took a little while but i’m happy i did it.
i will feel much better about the whole thing afterwards.

the strange thing is that i’ve got exactly the same fabric and everything but the new stuff feels like….. plasticky. it’s weird. it’s odd, the other stuf is soft in comparrison. i guess that it was treated in a slightly different way to the last lot i got. weird.
oh well.
no one will know unless they stroke me. O.o

Been troubling over some private stuff recently.
a problem with my boyfriend against my best friend and i’m not going into details but i’ve been left with this horrible hole in my chest.
i miss him so much (they’re both guys which is probably part of the problem). more than i thought possible. but it’s not the loss of him that makes me worry, it’s the thought that even after this is over and i have my freedom and independance back, he won’t consider me a friend anymore.
i hate that i hurt him so much and i can only hoe that he’s too pissed off at me or at the other guy or even at the situation as a whole that he doesn’t hurt as much as i think he does.
i just want him to be happy. which wasn’t happening for either of us while we were still there for each other.
but you know who you are.
and if you DO still read my blog, which i doubt……. i just want you to know that from the very bottom of my heart and with my entire being, i am sorry.
for absolutely everything.
and for all that you feel and felt for me.
it did neither of us any good, even if i did reciprocate those feelings for a while.
so i’m sorry.

boy…… i sound like a bit of an idiot talking to myself.
if you’re just reading this at random, please ignore my emo monologue just then. ^_^

please look forward to more cosplay updates. ^^